I Almost Missed This Life
The Life I Couldn’t See Coming
I survived four suicide attempts.
There was a time in my life when I couldn’t imagine the life I have today. I couldn’t see the people I hadn’t met yet. The places I hadn’t been. The laughter I hadn’t laughed. The memories I hadn’t made. The purpose I hadn’t found.
I couldn’t see any of it.
And yet ,that’s the thing about being in one of the darkest moments of your life: you can only see from where you’re standing.
I couldn’t see the woman who would someday stand on a stage wearing a crown. I couldn’t see the service work that would become such an important part of my life. I also, couldn’t imagine the opportunities I’d have to speak, advocate and use some of the most painful parts of my story to help someone else feel less alone.
But it wasn’t only the big moments I couldn’t see.
I couldn’t see the ordinary moments, either. The people who would make me laugh. The friendships I hadn’t made yet. The ridiculous moments that would become favorite memories. The JOY that would become part of my everyday silliness. The genuinely authentic woman I would become who I love more than anything. Most importantly, I couldn’t see the days that wouldn’t be extraordinary at all, but that I would be incredibly grateful to be here for, because it’s all the small moments that add up to a life well lived.
There was so much life I almost missed.
You Don’t Know What You Haven’t Lived Yet
That’s the message I wanted to share as we recognize Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. Not that life magically becomes perfect. Mine certainly didn’t. Not that surviving means you never struggle again. It doesn’t. My message is much simpler:
You don’t know what you haven’t lived yet.
When I was at my lowest, I couldn’t see this version of my life because it hadn’t happened yet.
I’m still here and I’m So grateful for It
Today, I’m grateful I stayed long enough to meet the woman I got to become. I’m grateful for every person, every opportunity, every laugh, every lesson and even some of the hard days that I once couldn’t imagine were waiting for me. Four attempts. So much life I almost missed. And my story still isn’t over.
Neither is yours.
If You Need Help
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. In the United States, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If there is immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.
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