Pageantry Planning Isn’t for the Weak
Sometimes in pageantry, everything falls into place. The gown arrives early, the walk is flawless, and the universe seems to be cheering you on. You feel like the main character in a movie where everything just works out.
This was not one of those times.
I am the Queen of Pageantry Planning, the Virtuoso of Spreadsheets, and the Goddess of Forewarned is Forearmed. I am meticulous in my planning and dedicated when it comes to practice. Leading up to a major pageant I live, breathe, sleep, and eat pageants. I honestly have no idea how my husband hasn’t run off to Mexico and never looked back because of my almost ‘obsession with perfection’!
I ordered my gown right after winning state in February. I had a vision and after a thorough search found a designer whose style aligned with my goal. For the first time ever I didn’t skimp on costs. I wanted this win and I wanted it bad! I decided to finally invest in my pageantry wardrobe so that nothing could go wrong (insert a slightly unhinged laugh here).
The Best Laid Plans…and all that Jazz
Three weeks before Internationals, my custom gown finally arrived—and it was a disaster. Not the kind of disaster you can laugh off immediately, but the kind that makes your stomach drop and your brain go into overdrive trying to fix it. I’d just drove for 12 hours straight after an amazing rest and recover weekend with my daughter and my excitement could not be contained! I had to try it on right then and there!! I should have waited. I knew 2 am was not the time to try on the gown I’d been waiting months to finally arrive. My emotions do not emotion well when I’m overtired which is why I have a video of me sobbing hysterically over, what at the time seemed like, the end of my world!
In the morning after some much needed sleep I pulled my big girl bra on and started searching for a new gown. I needed something that felt like me, hid my large back and collarbone tattoos that I adore but which pageantry judges have commented negatively on in the past, and most importantly fit my measurements. As a woman who is a size 14 up top, a 2 in the middle, and a 6 on the bottom it’s nearly impossible to find anything off-the-rack!
Pageantry – Ready, Set, Pivot!
Two weeks before we left, I found my pivot gown. It was stunning, but there was no time for alterations. And let me tell you in the pageantry world—this will show. I’ve learned how to do minor alterations so I was able to hem it in the front but that’s the extent of my can-do. You could see straight through the armholes to my undergarment. Hemming the front wasn’t enough because the sides keep fighting for dominance to be front and center and under my feet!
This wasn’t my first (or even second) wardrobe malfunction leading up to the pageant though (don’t even ask about the High Fashion Runway fail) so I just shrugged and promised myself to do the best I could regardless of any complications.
Perfect PageantRY Walks, Pretty Feet, and Stay Loose You Goose
I knew about two seconds into formal that I wasn’t going to place. My scores were the lowest I’ve ever seen—and honestly, I agreed with the judges. I was walking with my toes pointed in, trying to keep the dress from tripping me. I was stiff as a board, whispering “don’t fall, don’t fall” with every crunchy bead underfoot. I might not have breathed the entire time. It was not elegant. It was not poised. It was stiffness over sway. It was survival.
After I zombie shuffled off stage I couldn’t breath. All that preparation, all the money, all of the hours spent dying in a 110 degree garage perfecting every second of my walk flashed before my eyes and my heart dropped. I wanted to kick! I wanted to scream! I wanted to take that devil dress off and throw it across the stage.
My Joy is not for Sale
I remembered how to breath and then I reminded myself who I am and what I’ve lived through. I’ve never let abuse, violations, addiction, and a myriad of other survived moments destroy my joy, and it certainly wasn’t going to be a pageant to finally destroy it. My joy is what makes me the incredible woman I am!
So just like with my dress, I pivoted. I shifted my mindset and decided to focus on what I could enjoy. I looked forward to finals—not for myself, but for the joy of seeing others shine. My daughters were with me and I told them that the week would still be a success as long as the top five were all kind, genuine women. That was my new goal. And guess what? It happened! This system is filled with so many well-rounded, kind, and genuine people and their Top contestants proved that again and again through all the divisions!
This Little Light of Mine Happens to be a Spotlight
When the top 18 was called, well, I’ve never been good at staying poised when my positive energy comes parading to the surface. When that much light is shining inside of me I forget that I’m a contestant on a pageant stage and I let it go. So there I was not even placing yet once again bunny-hopping across a pageant stage, with a huge grin on my face, and a thumbs up to my girls. My joy could not be contained. So many “girls’ girls” made the cut—women who lift each other up, who celebrate wins that aren’t their own, who embody the spirit of sisterhood. And the winner? She’s someone we all love. She’s graceful, kind, accepting, inclusive, positively beautiful both inside and out, and everything else a Queen should be.
Being part of a true sisterhood should be one of everyone’s main goals in pageantry. I made lifelong friends that week. I gained sisters from all around the globe. The hours I’ve spent in video chats talking about life with some of the Queens I met would blow your mind! I didn’t walk away with a crown that week, but I walked away with something better: perspective.
Losing reminded me how to pivot with grace. I’ve always said that joy isn’t dependent upon a crown. It can come from community, from cheering others on, from laughing at the chaos and finding beauty in the mess.
Perfectly Imperfect is Perfectly Fine
So if you’ve made it this far, here’s the moral of the story: things will go wrong sometimes. Your gown might arrive late. Your perfect pageant walk might be 2 shambling steps away from the leading role, in an all zombie movie. Your scores might be low and the judge’s comments might not be what you were hoping for. And that’s perfectly fine.
Life isn’t about perfection—it’s about showing up, doing your best, and staying positive even when things don’t go your way. Because sometimes, finding joy in your loss is the most beautiful win of all.