Blue is for Autism

Kenlyn Keys is an incredible, sweet, loving, courageous girl who just happens to have Autism. Her mother, Leneatha Reed, expressed frustration when we talked because, in her words, “She’s endured a lot and people judge her … as far as … her outer appearance … they look at her and say she doesn’t look autistic. Well, what does autism look like?” As a mother to an incredible, smart, caring, empathetic, and neurodivergent child I wholeheartedly understand that frustration. I remember the judging looks I’d receive when my neurotypical presenting daughter would have a meltdown from overstimulation, being told that she was disrespectful because she didn’t maintain eye contact when spoken to, and even her teachers not following her IEP’s (Individualized Education Programs) because they couldn’t reconcile the written modifications with the child in front of them.

Autism and Kenlyn – Finding Her Diagnosis

Up until 4 years old Kenlyn’s autism looked like social isolation. Her social anxiety made her fearful of people making daycare and interactions with her peers impossible. She would hide from anyone outside of her family or take off running to get away. In addition her mother had started to notice that “she will get very upset if things were moved and she had it in a certain place. She always wanted to do things the same way … different noises would bother her. Different backgrounds, loud noises or people talking loud.” Their pediatrician referred them to a psychologist where she was diagnosed with Autism and then, 3 months later, with ADHD as well.

Autism and Socialization – Stimming

Social anxiety is not the only thing that makes interactions challenging for Kenlyn.  Stimming, short for self-stimulation, makes it hard for her to respect the personal space of others. As her mother described it, “if she finds something that draws her attention to touch, it’s hard to draw her away from it, so that was a part of the school issue too. Because hair, soft fabrics, things like that. It draws her attention, and she makes her way to it. You can tell her not to do it. She’s gonna eventually find her way to it until she gets it. And … It’s an addiction to her and a lot of people don’t understand it, and it … was hard because that was part of what was going on with school as well.” 

At her last school even with an IEP in place Kenlyn was having a hard time because of her stimming. Leneatha told me that during one conversation with the school “I said, please don’t put her behind anybody that has braids or long hair … I said she loves to touch.
She’s touchy feely.
She loves to hug, she loves to cling, she loves to hold people’s hand, you know, and they knew it. It was in her IEP and all of that.

Autism and Socialization – Perceptions

But what happened was they started labeling her as a bully because they were saying she was hitting the other kids. And saying that she was in their personal space and they were justifying the other kids hitting her.” The perception others had of her started affecting Kenlyn psychologically. Her drawings drifted away from primary colors and became darker with sad faces, and she would write notes wondering why everyone hated her. It got to the point that Kenlyn would look in the mirror trying to see the monster she must be, for people to treat her the way that they did.

Unfortunately, the lack of understanding when it comes to Autism isn’t just school based for many children like Kenlyn. Within the Black community the stigma surrounding neuro disorders and mental health conditions is so great that it makes it harder for a parent, like Leneatha Reed, to find a strong support system, one that will love and accept their child, Autistic traits and all. Leneatha knew she couldn’t parent the same way she had been raised.  “I had to learn. Because being her parent, and not knowing what was going on, and how I was raised … and it’s not a racist thing, it’s black people didn’t … They didn’t acknowledge. Mental health, mental illness … autism and all that.”

Autism and Pageants – Leneatha’s Why

So, what would make a mother, with a terrified Autistic child prone to meltdowns, think of pageants? For Leneatha Reed it was the Interview portion of the competition. She believed in her child’s ability to do and be more and found an out of the box solution to help Kenlyn grow more comfortable around people. In a scholarship pageant, Interview can count as much as 50% towards a contestant’s final score. And the best part? The scholarship pageant systems and judges want to see the contestant as an individual. They give contestants the opportunity to be exactly who they are, no mask needed and no preconceived role to fill.

Leneatha has found that “pageantry in the interview process … is helping her build that confidence and … her eye contact with other individuals and it’s teaching her that she can be herself because they want to see their personality and she has a big personality. And with pageantry what they try to get you to do … is to be yourself. Let yourself shine. They don’t want rehearsed. They don’t want robots.”

Autism and Pageants – Kenlyn’s Growth

The growth her mother has seen from 4 years in pageantry is nothing short of miraculous! In her first interview at 4 years old she couldn’t make eye contact, and the judges could barely hear the nervous little Black girl who never looked up from the floor. She walked away with 3’s and 4’s out of a possible score of 10. This past summer, at 8 years old, Kenlyn competed in a National pageant. She scored almost all perfect 10’s with her interview. She not only made eye contact at times, but even sang her favorite song from Frozen to the judges. What is it that’s helped her overcome part of her social anxiety? Her mother believes it’s “being able to actually see herself. She could actually see herself. She can actually be herself, and she didn’t have to hide behind what she had going on.”

Autism and Pageants – Kenlyn’s Platform

An important part of Scholarship pageantry is community service. It teaches contestants to be the change needed to better their communities. Platforms are a way for them to help spread awareness for a cause they feel passionate about. For Kenlyn it is Autism. Through her platform, A.C.T. (Advocate, Collaborate, Transform), she is able to show others that Autism has many faces.

She expressed the same frustration her mother has when it comes to being judged based on how she presents “so I have autism but some people say “she don’t act like she have autism” … sometimes when I act … and show other stuff, they say “she just doing that … she doesn’t have autism” … I’m like I do. Because other people don’t know what’s … inside me, and I’d be like. You really don’t see … because … if you see me. … then you will not be yelling at me like you do … every single time that people yell at me, I just feel like. I just cry sometimes, and I’ll be like they don’t have to yell at me like they do.”

Autism and Pageants – Community

Kenlyn has found acceptance and courage within the pageant world. The little girl that used to be terrified to be around one person now dances in front of hundreds. No longer alone, both Leneatha and Kenlyn have finally found their community. At last year’s state pageant Leneatha was just blown away by the support they received.

“I think the … most powerful thing to me was knowing that a lot of people didn’t think that she’d be able to bring home a title because of how she was. …. It was seeing all of the people cheering for her that I didn’t think she had. I didn’t think she had cheerleaders. I thought it was just me and my two sisters. And everybody was sending me videos … saying, Oh my God, look, look, look, look, look, look. ..even when we got … to nationals … people were so eager to see her. And see how much she had grown. I think that’s what really opened my eyes … that pageantry has really helped her. Because I didn’t see it. And you always feel like you’re alone. But once you start pageantry, you actually gain a family.”

Autism and Pageants – Life without pageants

I asked Leneatha what she thought Kenlyn’s life would be like without pageants. “I really don’t think she would actually have a life if she didn’t start pageantry because me putting her in pageantry … it actually helped build me as well. … to be able to deal with … a disability that she has to push forward through it. So not only did it help me push her through … overcoming judgment, it helped me overcome judgment. Because the shell that I was trying to keep her out of, I was in. Yep. So not only did it help her, it helped me even though I’m not the one competing, it helped me.”

Autism Doesn’t Have Kenlyn

And whether or not Kenlyn realizes it, she’s helping so many others as well. She’s showing everyone what her mother told her “You are not your diagnosis … and you can do anything that you put your mind to … “ She’s inspiring others to push past any preconceived limitations. This summer you’ll find her back on that National stage where she’ll talk to the judges, in front of an audience of hundreds, and tell them that “I have Autism, but Autism doesn’t have me!”

Kenlyn Keys is blossoming at her new school where her teacher asks for hugs. She has made friends, loves to dance, and can be found loudly singing worship songs every Sunday. Her pictures are bright again and when she looks in the mirror she’s not looking for a monster because she truly knows now that she is as beautiful on the outside as she is on the inside. She does still have social anxiety, meltdowns, and difficulties related to her Autism, but she doesn’t let it stop her from shining.

I asked this sweet little Queen what she would tell another Autistic girl who was scared to do pageants. And Kenlyn Keys, who had spent half her short life terrified of so many things smiled and said

“You don’t have to be scared.”

To be featured in an episode of Colors of the Crown

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